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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Chicken Ball Pizza

I dial the number for the pizza shop. After a few rings, someone picks up, and I hear heavy breathing. Maybe they need a little customer service training. I guess what really matters is whether or not the pizza tastes good.

“Hello?” I say. “Is this the pizza shop?”
“Uh, yes, I’d like to order a medium mushroom pizza.”
Hhhu-hhhuu-hhhhh…” CLICK.

Well, no problem, the restaurant is very close by – I’ll just order in person. I arrive and the waiter/chef ignores me, and continues to work on his pizza. Several other waiters and waitresses stand around writing down orders and boxing up pizzas. I go up to the chef and say,

“That pizza looks good. What’s that you’re putting on it?”

No eye contact, he keeps working.

“Chicken balls.”

Uh-huh. Chicken balls. Interesting choice. I politely cough to cover my gasp/laughter. I don’t want to offend the chef.

“Oh. Well, may I please order a mushroom pizza?” I ask.

“No. Chicken balls.”

Ah, a house specialty. Fine, I tell him. Let’s make that a small then.

“So, how long will it take?”

“Forty-hundred-minutes. It’s ready at thirty o’clock.”

This is what happens when pizza shops are staffed by two year-olds. What’s that saying we're always throwing at kids? “You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.”

I don't know that teaching children that "you get what you get, and you don't get upset" is beneficial to their developing sense of self. It's kind of borderline totalitarianism. A better slogan might be,

"Sometimes you get what you get, and you might get upset. It's okay to assert yourself and ask about why you got what you got, as long as you are not disrespectful. If you feel that the explanation that you are given is unfair, then you can make a plea for your case. However, this will not always result in you getting your way, because sadly, life isn't fair."

But then, that's kind of wordy. So I say,

"Are you sure I can't get a mushroom pizza? I really don't care for chicken."

Reply: "Chicken balls."

Sigh. Sometimes life gives you lemons, and you make lemonade. Sometimes life gives you chickens, and you make chicken ball pizza.

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